THE FIRST ONE, A START

as the title states; i am CONTINUALLY QUITTING.
i have started many things in my almost 40 years of life, but finishing them is my down fall. i always have the best intentions, yet project after project has gone by the wayside. there are a lot of regrets i have in my life and i cant let them hold me back from something being completed   ill be turning 40 in a few months, and i have come to the realization that i have accomplished nothing. i have started 3 novels, i have started t shirt printing ideas, i have a file folder full of art that is have completed. i could go on for days about what i have not finished. but the one thing that bothers me that i have not finished is loosing weight. i start diets i go full force and then......nothing.
i had seen this movie called "Julie and Julia", basic premise is the girl never finished anything and her husband says she should do a blog. so she sets off on a quest to cook all of Julia Childs recipes in a year. and during the movie she is explaining to her mother that its about finishing short term goals......i thought that's what i need. i could do a blog. maybe it would be therapeutic to write down whats wrong and how my struggle is going in this trying to complete something project. so here is the blog......and here is the first post.
i think this whole quitting business has affected everything in my life, from money to working out to keeping in contact with friends. my sister says its because i am and artist and i continually have new ideas and when i do i abandon what i was doing for the new thing....that might be right but i feel like i am the only one out there not accomplished, that i have nothing to show for myself. if i was to die tomorrow what will show of my life.....NOTHING. i believe that if i can get one aspect of my life under control and finish something that every thing else will fall into place.
i am my own worst enemy. i constantly cut my self down and sabotage my own efforts. who needs and arch Nemesis when i am my own. i am also the king of excuses. i can give you an excuse to not do something in a heartbeat. its a bad habit and i need to break it. i hold myself back from a lot of things that i want to do but feel that ill just fail at it or not finish it. i feel at times i am the only one that feels this way and that i am alone out there in this world of billions; i guess that's why i am here. if you notice there is no "about me" section on this blog, because if you read it its who i am, i am here bearing my soul every misspelled word and bad grammar sentence at a time.
the small goal i am going for is to change my body as much as i can by my birthday, August 31st, by change i mean loosing weight, building muscle, and loosing sizes in my clothes. i weigh 300 lbs i want to get down to 220 or 240. i wear a size 44 jeans, i want to get down to 36. i wear a 3 XL shirt and would like to be down to an XL. i don't think these goals are out of reach or out of bounds. i just need to be dedicated and forceful in my approach to this and not back down. NO EXCUSES, that should be my new mantra but i live by the one that's tattooed on my arm.....NOTHING CHANGES, IF NOTHING CHANGES.
so today starts the 86 day countdown to August 31st and my 40th birthday.