85 days left.
i worked 16 hours yesterday and was so worn out that everything i wanted to do i didn't i wanted to go to the gym, did i? NO. i wanted to not sleep all day, did i? NO. it seems one day into this and i'm still sabotaging myself. then i got off work from working from midnight to 4 pm and i was suppose to meet my friends Paul and Kelli for sushi at 9, so i set my alarm and turned my ringer off and went to bed. well i wake up at 11 pm and slept right through my alarm. i felt totally crappy about it and right away text Paul that i over slept and i was sorry. so feeling starved i went to smiths and got chicken nuggets, coleslaw, chips, cheese and ice cream. all of that is crap food. i find that my emotions are a direct link to when i eat shitty food. i always feel like Alice in wonderland cause i always give myself the best advice but i rarely ever follow it, and i'm always telling my mom what to eat and not to eat and here i am doing the complete opposite. i feel like an absolute loser when it comes to this. sure if your reading this your like "hey you just started" but i have been at this for years and i look back and think if i could have just got my shit together back then it would be a whole different ball game now. that maybe id have a better body and a healthier lifestyle, that maybe id have a boyfriend and wouldn't feel so lonely all the time, but that's a whole different story. i think i look in the wrong places for love. like that song...looking for love in all the wrong places.....now i have that song stuck in my head. i think i'm on the apps to much, that i'm not social enough in the gay world to meet guys. I've been pondering for a long time if i should just delete the apps all together. when i talk about apps i'm talking growlr and scruff and grindr. i deleted grindr months ago but cant seem to bring myself to dispose of the other two...i'm way off course... i just realized how true that statement is..way off course. i need to get back on the rails of my life and take control cause its never to late to fix your life and set it right...asap.
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